RELATIONSHIP X3 #4
RESOLVE TO RESOLVE
The first three weeks we covered:
Love Speaks
Collaborative Leadership
Don’t despise your youth
This 4th briefing is titled RESOLVE TO RESOLVE
It is a pun: puns are a part of our culture
Dictionary.Com - 2 meanings
Resolve: come to definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something):
Not making decisions, deferring decisions when you should has its own set of problems
Resolve : to bring resolution , close something
demonstration of resolve - Esther on piano
Resolve to Resolve is a Bible Based big picture approach to applying God given creativity in order to achieve productive, purposeful, profitable solutions to life situations with great outcomes.
Big picture includes: God’s perspective, the complete situation, and all aspects of us
Throughout life the need for Resolve is everywhere:
Our marriages
Our Jobs
Our extended family – in-laws / in-loves as Phil likes to put it
When things seem to get too big for us
Our finances
Our spending!! Our Credit cards!
Our words … what we say to others
Our decisions
Our disciplines
Our eating!...
Basically in all our relationship interactions with others
RELATIONSHIP: MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THIS LIFE
In fact, you can’t have life without relationship. You were born through a relationship, what ever you do in life there around you is relationships of varying levels. Some folks think a divorce will end the relationship, however, especially when kids are involved there still is need for some sort of relationship with that ex in some form – even if it is just for logistics, who has the kids what weekend etc.
Would you agree? Whether you agree or not, we Megamorphic believe IT IS!!!!!
If you don’t see this as a correct statement, time to go over or go over again the Create to Relate Bible foundations course.
When we are walking in good relationship with God and His Word, we will have what we need to have good relationship with others and ourselves
The First commandment is where God is commanding relationship of us, His children – with promises
Deuteronomy 6:4: “ Hear O Israel, The Lord our God is one Lord, 5 And you will love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and all your might”
The promises included length of days, wellness of life, walking in victory, taking possession of all He has promised for us.
His word, the Bible is full of relationship stories and holds the keys to good relationships. Lets RESOLVE to:
RESOLVE to build great relationships
RESOLVE to do what is needed when relationships go wrong and
RESOLVE NOT to do things that will be harmful to healthy meaningful relationships
LETS RESOLVE to build great relationships
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT) “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you”
James 1: 19 “Be quick to listen and slow to speak”
Ephesians 5 - whole Chapter
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness,
Do not be drunk with wine but be filled with the Spirit
Husbands love your wives
Wives submit to your husbands
Giving thanks in all things
James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another and pray for each other, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much
Psalm 90:12 “Teach me to number my days that I may apply them to wisdom”
Daniel 12: 3 “ And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.”
Matthew 10:42 “And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward”
LETS RESOLVE to do what is needed when relationships go wrong
Matthew 6:12 “ Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors”
Matthew 18: whole chapter, specifically 15 onwards – when someone has something against you, go to that person
Matthew 5: 23 “If you know someone has something against you go to that person”
Amos 3;3 “How can two people walk together except they be agreed?”
Psalm 31:3 “God Commands blessing when we are in unity”
Matthew 18: 19 “ If two of you agree .. it shall be done by my Father “
Do not be the proud one – be quick to apologize
RESOLVE NOT to do things that will be harmful to healthy meaningful relationships
Resolve to be Angry and Sin not
Anger is an emotion given to us by God.
It is ok to be angry but we need to control it. Anger hurts ourselves and others:
How do we control Anger?
Ephesians 4: 26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
Proverbs 22: 24 - Make no friendship with an angry Man and with a furious man thou shalt not go
Proverbs 29:22 “An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.
Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
Resolve to not allow our anger to grow into Bitterness
Bitterness is unresolved, unforgiven anger and resentment. It is the result of anger changing from an experience to a belief. Bitterness is seething and constant. Bitter people carry the same burdens as angry people, but to a greater extent.
Watch out that no bitter root of unbelief rises up among you, for whenever it springs up, many are corrupted by its poison. Hebrews 12:15 (NLT)
Bitterness does not affect only you, it affects everyone with whom you come into contact.
In the book of Ruth we read about Naomi (which means pleasant), the wife of Elimelech. Elimelech took his wife and two sons down from Bethlehem to the country of Moab because there was a famine in the land. While living in Moab, the sons took wives named Ruth and Orpah from among the native people. Elimelech and his two sons died in Moab and left Naomi, Ruth, and Orpah to fend for themselves.
When news came that the famine in the land of Judah had lifted, Naomi decided to return home to her own people. The three women set out together, but on the way, Naomi gave the daughters in love the freedom to return home to their own people.
“No,” they said. “We want to go with you to your people.” But Naomi replied, “Why should you go on with me? Can I still give birth to other sons who could grow up to be your husbands? No, my daughters, return to your parents’ homes, for I am too old to marry again. And even if it were possible, and I were to get married tonight and bear sons, then what? Would you wait for them to grow up and refuse to marry someone else? No, of course not, my daughters! Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the LORD himself has caused me to suffer.” Ruth 1:10-14 (NLT)
Orpah did turn back, but Ruth was committed to Naomi and to her God.
So the two of them continued on their journey. When they came to Bethlehem, the entire town was stirred by their arrival. “Is it really Naomi?” the women asked. “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Instead, call me Mara, [meaning bitter] for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me home empty. Why should you call me Naomi when the LORD has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy?” Ruth 1:19-21 (NLT)
RESOLVE to NOT Blame GOD
Naomi blamed God for making her life bitter and empty. All she could see was that she no longer had what she loved. Her bitterness reflected a heart of unbelief in the justice and sovereignty of God. She held on to the anger for what had been done to her and stood in judgment over God. In the entire text, we see nothing of Naomi’s quest to understand the purpose of God in her suffering. We only read that she was angry and bitter for what she had lost.
We become bitter out of a belief that God will not punish the people who hurt us, that God does not hear our plea, or that He does not care about our plight. Since God is apparently not going to intervene in our circumstances, we stand in as judge, jury, and executioner in the lives of other people.
It becomes a circular pattern. The more we dwell on what has been done to us, the injustice we have suffered, or the loss incurred, the deeper goes the root of bitterness.
Carrying around a load of bitterness is exhausting.
Bitterness hardens your heart on the inside and your features on the outside. It also defiles those around you because it is contagious.
We need to see this story with the lens of the Cross. With New Testament hindsight. The situations in our lives and the world around us shouldn’t be taken cynically, fatalistically. Rather we take an eternal view.
Resolve to Forgive - Cures our Bitter Heart
The only cure for bitterness and anger is forgiveness.
Bitterness is focused on what has been done to you. To break up bitterness, you must also be willing to look at what you have done to others. Your task is to admit what your responsibility is in the matter and go to those you have hurt, confess your sin, and first seek their forgiveness. You must be willing to get the log out of your own eye prior to examining your neighbor’s eye.
And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5 (NLT)
The examination process begins right here at home. Start with yourself and seek God’s help in revealing the contents of your heart in relation to how you have sinned against others.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)
- no condemnation, no guilt trips, no beating yourself up
There needs to be a willingness on your part to forsake your sin of bitterness.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)
Confession of your own sin and repentance for that sin must take place in your heart first. Then you must seek for other relationships to be healed and restored. You may want to pray a prayer similar to this one:
Gracious Heavenly Father, I realize now that I have a root of bitterness in my heart. Thank You that You have chosen this time in my life to reveal it to me. I ask for Your help, dear Lord, to see the areas of my heart and life where bitterness has grown. I trust the Holy Spirit will reveal to me my sin and I confess to you the sin of bitterness regarding the following circumstances in my life : __________
Thank You, dear Lord, for revealing to me the areas of my life over which I am bitter. Please help me to overcome this sin that defiles many and begin to put on the fruit of forgiveness in my life. Please help me to restore and repair the relationships that I have wounded and destroyed by my bitterness. Thank You for Your great gift of grace to me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Forgiving others is not an option for the Christian; it’s required, and it is step number one in removing bitterness.
Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT)
In forgiving others, it is important to remember a few important rules: When I forgive, I resolve never to bring this circumstance or situation up again to the one I forgave, to anyone else, or even to myself. It is a closed book. If you are going to pattern your forgiveness after that of the Lord, then you will choose to remember no more the sin committed against you.
But what if you are bitter toward God? What if it is God who has hurt you and caused you pain? Remember God is the sovereign God of the entire universe. It is His, and He does with it what He wishes, and it is always good. In fact, it is always very good!
To believe you must forgive God for what you perceive He has done against you insinuates that God has sinned, and this cannot be. God is a loving, holy, and perfect, sinless God who does not make mistakes.
Naomi, as recorded in the book of Ruth, may have believed for a time that God somehow made a mistake in taking her husband and sons from her, for she said He “brought me back empty.” It was no mistake, however. God was purposely unfolding His divine plan for humanity in Naomi’s life and in the death of her loved ones. Take note, dear one, that if Naomi’s son would have lived, Ruth would have remained his wife. Without the death of her husband, Ruth would not have been free to meet and marry Boaz, who became her kinsman redeemer. Ruth would not have given birth to their son, Obed, who became the father of Jesse, who is the father of David, from whose lineage comes the Christ.
Acceptance of hard things at the hand of a loving God is not easy. I encourage you to seek God in your circumstances and to trust that He is unfolding a divine plan that you cannot see right now, just as He did in the case of Naomi and Ruth. God’s sovereignty is always balanced by His love, and He promises to bring good out of every tragedy and heartache.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn, with many brothers and sisters. Romans 8:28-29 (NLT)
Even after you have repented, forgiven others and/or forgiven yourself, you may still be feeling overwhelmed in the situation you are in. Praise and worship at this time may feel impossible to do. Then it may be that you need help, there are a number of factors which can be involved eg: Depression, demonic oppression, mistreatment, lack of support from vital family members, cut off, alone, misunderstood, exhausted.
You may also need rest, a break, sort out you life where possible tell your loved ones and agree on a practical period of time, have some fun! Call on others for help.
Biblically Informed Decision
Lets Resolve to make a relationship with God our top priority
Lets resolve to build good relationships using the Word of God and its wisdom as our manual for life and relationship
Lets Resolve to look for others that are in a lesser situation than we are and find ways to help them. Even a cup of cold water to a thirsty soul can be a blessing.